The Goddess Gainer Shake – Sph

The Goddess Gainer Shake: Base: Two full pints of heavy cream. Not milk. Not half-and-half. Heavy cream. 160 calories per serving, and you’re using eight servings. That’s 1,280 calories before we even start, piggy. Protein: Six scoops of weight gainer powder—the kind bodybuilders use to bulk, except you’re using it to ruin yourself. Chocolate flavor, so you can pretend you’re enjoying a treat while you’re actually destroying your physique. Fats: One entire jar of peanut butter. Not a spoonful. The whole fucking jar. 3,000 calories of sticky, clinging fat that will settle right on your hips and that pathetic belly. Carbs: Two cups of oats, dry. They’re going to expand in your gut like sponges, stretching you out, making you waddle. Sugar: One can of sweetened condensed milk. Pure liquid sugar. 1,300 calories of diabetic nightmare. The Special Ingredient: A liter of soda—the fizziest you can find. Because once this carbonation hits that cream and those oats.